By Jake Tyson
Teen dating is not a new thing. For decades, dating in high school—or even middle school or junior high—has been the thing to do. It’s more unusual for a teen to not date than for them to date multiple people throughout their school years, because 94.75% of teenagers date. This is not inherently a problem. It is completely natural to begin developing romantic attraction during the teenage years. That is how our bodies and minds grow and develop.
However, teenagers are naturally inexperienced with such feelings and relationships, and because of that these relationships themselves can get out of hand and go in a variety of bad directions. Dating mistakes can be mitigated with the guidance of a good parent or mentor and a biblical worldview, but even these do not guarantee a perfect relationship, or an absence of temptation to take those relationships further than they should go.
As I addressed this issue with my youth group recently, I gave them this reassurance — someone who has committed sexual sin has not made an unforgivable error. Grace is freely available — that’s what Jesus is all about. But He does have an ideal plan for how relationships are supposed to develop, and it is in our best interests to follow that plan. If we don’t, He doesn’t reject us or mark us as impure for the rest of our lives. However, He does want to draw us back with a repentant spirit and set us on the right path to a godly relationship.
I found some troubling statistics on teen dating as I prepared for the lesson I was teaching.
• Up to 19% of teenagers experience sexual or physical dating violence.
• Almost 50% experience some form of stalking or harassment when it comes to dating.
• Nearly 65% of dating teens report some form of psychological abuse in their relationships.
• Teen relationships last, on average, no longer than 12 months.
• Most teens report having at least 3-4 dating partners.
• 70% of individuals report having sexual intercourse by the time they reach their late teens. 48% report having casual sex.
This gives us a pretty well-rounded look at what is common for teenagers. Dating is the norm, and having sex within those relationships is extremely common. Not only that, but it is not uncommon for sex to take place outside of a serious dating relationship. And while this is certainly the norm in many adult circles as well, it begins in the teenage years. Even being in a Christian environment will not create a magical, temptation-free world. It is why we must know in our hearts what is right and what we have determined to do in accordance with God’s Word.
But what does God say about dating, sex and relationships, and how can we put His way into practice in our lives?
Sex is a gift intended to be utilized only within the boundaries of marriage. Gen. 2:24 says that God’s plan for us is to leave our parents, get married and become one. In Gen. 1:28, God commanded them to be fruitful and multiply. But God did not intend it to be open and public. He meant it to be a private and wonderful thing between a husband and wife (Heb. 13:4), not a casual act. However, He is gentle and gracious in recognizing our failures and weaknesses, as we see in John 8:1-11 — He forgives. He does not say that we are free to continue living as we are, but He does say that despite our mistakes, He does not condemn us and wants us to leave our wrongdoings in the past.
God wants us to have a strong, positive relationship with one person. This means we should be careful and discerning about who we date. First, it should be a person who shares our faith (II Cor. 6:14). Dating a person who does not believe the same things we do can drag us away from the life God wants us to live. We see this mistake committed multiple times in Samson’s life (Judges 14; 16:1; 16:4-20). He saw beautiful women, decided he wanted them regardless of their relationship with God and ended up suffering consequences.
Our relationship partner should also treat us well. God does not want you to be with someone who is physically, sexually, mentally or verbally mistreating you. That is not His intention for relationships. God’s Word says wives should submit to their husbands and a husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:22-33). How does Christ love us? Perfectly. Sacrificially. Gently. Never abusively or dismissively. If someone doesn’t treat you right when you’re dating, they won’t treat you right when you’re married. If they’re abusive and manipulative, it might hurt to leave them, but it will be better in the long run. God has so much better for you than that.
The person you’re with should make you want to be closer to God. They should be walking toward God alongside you, not pulling you away from Him. He wants to watch us thrive in those relationships, but that can only happen if we do them His way. It may take a few tries to get it right, and it may take saying sorry to God and changing some things. But He has a good plan for you because He’s a loving Father waiting with open arms to welcome you back and comfort you.
