One of the things most of us in student ministry aren’t ready for is having our own children make the transition to the youth group. We don’t think about it, and suddenly it is upon us. Your son or daughter is staring back at you as you speak to the students in your ministry about sexual holiness and other issues we need to address as youth pastors. There wasn’t a class in Bible college that covered that kind of awkwardness, and avoiding eye contact with your child isn’t the answer.
Awkward teaching moments are just the tip of the iceberg. Other students may not be accepting of your child. Your child may feel entitled to certain things because of your position. Or your child may feel neglected because of the attention you give to other students. It is a potential minefield of trouble. However, it can also be one of the greatest things you do in your student ministry. Some of my best memories are of sharing God’s Word with students, with my son and daughter being part of that group. Watching them serve in the youth worship band and in the church always filled my heart with joy.
What can we do to help with that transition? How do you make this transition a positive one for your children and the other students in your youth group?
• Pray for your child. We believe God is powerful and capable. As we enter this transition, it is important to bring our cares and concerns to the Father. God can and will help as we trust Him with the situation. Pray for your child’s attitude. Pray for unity as your youth group gains another student. Pray for yourself as you navigate the relational aspects of having your own child in the group. You don’t want to be too easy on them when discipline is necessary, but you also don’t want to be too hard on them, expecting more from them than from others. In addition, I would recommend praying with your child about the transition.
• Talk with your family. After talking to God about the situation, it is important to discuss it with your family. Your wife and children all need to be part of that conversation. However, it should start with just you and your spouse. It is important to set some guidelines and be intentional. You won’t be able to predict all the ways it will impact you and your family, but you can make wise decisions as you enter this new time in your family’s life. Discuss your child’s fears and help them understand that while your role on youth night is youth pastor, you are always their dad.
• Discuss the transition with your lead pastor and youth volunteers. Take the time to talk to your leaders about the changes coming and any concerns you might have. It is important to be transparent and to help your pastor know if you have any concerns. Usually, this type of transition goes off without a hitch, but trouble can creep in if we aren’t careful.
• While at youth group, make sure you do your part to include your child in the group. What does that look like? It means not making exceptions to the rules for them just because they are your kid. But it also means honoring them as you would other kids. Some groups have a “Welcome to Youth Group Night” for incoming students. Be sure your child is involved in the same way others are. Let them have a great youth group experience.
• Work on providing them with an adult volunteer who can serve as their person when they don’t want to talk to you. That person could be a volunteer in the student ministry, a Sunday School teacher, or simply a faithful church member who loves your kids. Perhaps one of the most important things we can do is connect our students with the church body. We want these relationships to be organic, but sometimes we have to be the ones to reach out and recruit.
Both of my kids had to endure having their old man as their youth pastor. There were definitely some challenges, but I loved having that role in their lives. The biggest piece of advice I would share is to keep the lines of communication open. Check in with your children often and find out if they are experiencing any difficulties because of your role.
If you are trying to figure out what this looks like in your ministry and family, you are on the right path. It takes intentionality to make it work. If you are interested in discussing your situation, send me an email at info@StudentMinistryMatters.com or join the conversation at Facebook.com/groups/StudentMinistryMattersCommunity.
