Whether you are a lead pastor or a youth pastor, dealing with death is a part of the job. I often wonder if the number of funerals I attend in a year surpasses the number most people attend in a lifetime. It is never easy, especially if it is a young person, but the nature of our calling to pastor our people points us to be there when our people experience loss and sorrow. If you grew up with a parent in the ministry, it may be a little easier because of what was modeled for you. However, that is not the case for most of us. At the end of the day, we learn things the hard way.
Let me encourage you to learn as much as you can about dealing with the issue because death is an inevitability for us all and will certainly be a portion of your ministry. So, how do we navigate the hard days of our people and be a voice of comfort and not pain?
• Read about death. I know that sounds morbid, but it is important to understand how different people navigate this time. Read about sorrow, loss and grief so you will be able to better minister. Some of us in ministry may not have experienced a major death in our lives until we deal with that in the middle of ministry. Take advantage of the wisdom and experience of others.
• Avoid cliches. “God just needed another angel in Heaven.” Let’s start there. That is theologically incorrect on top of being a questionable statement to make. “I know how you feel.” Even if their situation mirrors your own, you don’t know how they feel. Their set of emotional responses may be completely different. “How are you doing?” That one is a bit obvious. They hurt. They are in pain. Find another question. In a Real Simple article by Liz Steelman, she suggested saying, “It’s really tough right now for you.” That indicates the pain of the here and now.
• Echo the words of Scripture. We believe the Bible to be full of wisdom, hope and comfort. There is nothing better for us to quote than the words the Father has given us.
• Be present. Sometimes being silent is okay. Sometimes our people just need us to be there with them. They need to know they are loved and cared for. There is great ministry in just being present.
I’m sure those in ministry longer than I have could add more things to this list, but here is a place to start. If you are young in age or young in ministry, take the time to prepare yourself for one of the normal pieces of ministry. If you are a part of the Student Ministry Matters Community on Facebook (Facebook.com/groups/StudentMinistryMattersCommunity), we would love to hear your input on how you deal with death in your ministry.
