In a prayer retreat several years ago, I followed the same structure I have used for many other prayer retreats, based on the model prayer:
• Session 1 — Praise: “What do I need to see and know about You, Lord?”
• Session 2 — Repent: “What do you need me to see about myself?
• Session 3 — Ask: “What supplications do I need to offer to Him?”
• Session 4 — Yield: “What area of my life do I need to surrender to Him?”
It was during session two that God spoke to me about something I never expected, and it happens a lot to me when I practice and follow the roadmap of Psalm 139:23-24. Are we willing for God to show us what we need to see?
Often, while we are in prayer, our sinful nature is the greatest obstacle to our prayer lives. Psalm 24 asks who can ascend the hill of the Lord, and the answer is clear — clean hands and a pure heart. As I was asking the Lord to show me what I needed to repent of, He told me to apologize to two men in the church. In my opinion, these men owed me an apology for how they had been treating me, but that is not what the Lord said to me. I asked him what I should apologize for. He said to apologize for not loving them as I should and for my unwillingness to forgive them. Ouch! That hurt, but He was right.
One missionary stated that for revival to continue, you must keep the roof off (right relationship with God/no unresolved sin) and the walls down (no unresolved forgiveness). As 2025 comes to an end, have you worked hard to make sure there is no spirit of unforgiveness, bitterness or grudges you are holding toward those who have offended you? Jesus made it very clear that when we pray, we should ask Him from our hearts, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” If you need even more motivation in the area of unforgiveness, take a closer look at Matt. 6:14-15 and Matt. 18:21-22.
How are you at forgiving others? Do you hold a grudge? Do you push it down deep and try to act like nothing is wrong? What do you do with Eph. 4:32: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Are you carrying burdens or unconfessed sin that are weighing down your soul? Are you allowing unforgiveness or bitterness to weigh on you emotionally? Our good friends at OneCry remind us that, “forgiveness is a willful choice, it looks beyond temporary pain to God’s greater purposes, and it opens the way to healing, joy and restored relationships.”
Have you ever seen runners wearing a weighted vest to build endurance? They are not only carrying their own body weight but also adding weight to increase their endurance. There are, though, some weights that God never intended you to carry. Yes, there are external weights you were not designed to lift, but there are also internal weights for which the same principle is true. Bill Elliff says there are two weights people carry that they were never designed to hold onto and never expected to have to bear. Those two weights are unresolved sin and unresolved forgiveness.
Biblical forgiveness can be defined as “the conscious decision to release someone from resentment and the desire for vengeance, canceling their spiritual or emotional debt.” Remember, this is a conscious choice you make to forgive, and not only can you do that, but God will help you because He is all about forgiveness. Do not believe the lie of the devil that you are enslaved by other people or by your circumstances, and therefore you cannot have freedom, purpose and joy. All things are possible through Christ, and forgiveness is actually what gives you freedom, purpose and joy.
The temptation is to think that if your circumstances were different, everything would be better. If I just had a better church, better members, better leaders, better families, better facilities or a better economy, and the list can go on forever. As a leader, you must remember that your position does not shape your character. Your character shapes your position. Forgiveness is not only a choice, but it is a choice of the head and the heart. God can give you freedom, purpose and joy wherever you are, regardless of your circumstances. It is easy to begin believing that you cannot forgive, but you can.
You do not have to be imprisoned by unforgiveness and then fall prey to bitterness and cynicism. Just ask Erika Kirk, who at her assassinated husband’s memorial service, shocked a listening world when she boldly proclaimed this toward the one who shot him, “I forgive him. I forgive him because it was what Christ did… The answer to hate is not hate. The answer we know from the gospel is love and always love. Love for our enemies and love for those who persecute us.” Joy, purpose, freedom and forgiveness (and the ability to forgive) can be found in Christ. Jesus on the cross said, “Father, I forgive them.”
Corrie Ten Boom put it this way, “Forgiveness is setting the prisoner free, to only find out that the prisoner was me.” Her book, The Hiding Place, is worth reading and tells the story of her family hiding Jews and then ending up in a concentration camp herself. Listen to what else she said, “Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It is the power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.”
Unforgiveness is a weight not worth carrying. It leads you down the path of the works of the flesh and leads to spiritual bondage, and Scripture is very clear about the danger in Hebrews 12:15: “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.”
