Recently on the Student Ministry Matters podcast, I had the opportunity to interview the author of a new book entitled Refined by the Fire(d). Kyle Isabelli was a youth pastor in the Chicagoland area who experienced an unexpected firing from one of his youth ministry postings. He moved on to serve another congregation in the area of youth and now serves that congregation as their lead pastor. As he experienced the emotions and difficulties of his journey through that season of uncertainty, he was prompted by a friend to start journaling. That journal served as the basis for his book.
Being let go by a church is one of the toughest things a minister can experience. In one swoop, a man’s job, friends and support are all gone. For those not in vocational ministry, the loss of a job is hard enough. However, they have their church to lean on in those difficult times. That is not the case with the vocational minister. If they lose their job for valid or invalid reasons, they are cut off from friends and relationships that had formed. There is no easy way about it, it is difficult.
What should a youth pastor or pastor do in these difficult moments, especially when the reasons for termination don’t make any sense? How should we handle being set aside for reasons other than moral failure or even in those moments? Let me share some insights I took away from my conversation with Kyle:
• Don’t react. When someone attacks us, our reaction is to strike back. We can do that in a variety of ways. You may have a desire to punch someone, lash out through social media or simply tell everyone who will listen what horrible thing has been done to you. I’m not saying don’t have emotions about it, but I am saying to be careful about your reactions. You have two reputations to protect — yours and the kingdom’s. There may not have been any legitimate reason for your dismissal, but how you respond will impact what happens next as you seek to serve.
• Investigate the “why?” I’m not saying you need to ask around the church or community. The investigation needs to occur on a more inward journey. Prayerfully consider your ministry. Were there reasons you couldn’t see? Seek out those you trust to help you see beyond your blind spots. Journal about your discoveries. This inward journey will help you as you evaluate what to do next. Do you need a season of rest from ministry? Do you need to hop right back in somewhere else?
• Lean on your relationship with God. I know that can be hard, especially when you feel cast aside. There is no better place for us to be than at the feet of the Father. It is also there where you can find forgiveness for the failures and mistakes that may have led to your dismissal.
• God isn’t done with you. You may feel rejected. You may feel like a failure. Understand that if God has called you to a life of ministry, He is not done with you yet. Don’t give up. Don’t quit.
Now, for those who are in leadership roles reading this article, let me encourage you to not fire someone too early. In the end, they may need to be let go. However, there are other steps before that. Are they coachable and teachable? If they are, invest in that person before parting ways. Be clear in your expectations. Give them a chance to learn and grow. Send them to conferences. Share good books with them. Give them a probation period. There are many options. Just don’t give up too early.
Join us in our Facebook group (facebook.com/groups/StudentMinistryMattersCommunity) to share other ways you handled being let go.
