I was just thinking about two brothers from a few decades ago. They had gotten into a terrible argument and left it unresolved, pledging never to speak to each other as long as they lived. But at the funeral of one of the men, the surviving brother wept because of the wasted years of bitterness that had kept them apart. But they kept their promises — they never spoke to each other again as long as both were alive.
A Scriptural Warning
The writer of Hebrews was inspired to write, “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:14, 15 NIV1984).
A “root of bitterness” is a horrible thing. It stems from a heart of unforgiveness. It festers with resentment toward one or more people. It brings about nothing but unresolved pain and distress. The problem is that when it takes root, it divides not just two people, but it can “defile many.” It affects marriages, families, businesses and yes, even churches.
It is Rooted in Anger and Temper
When I was young, I possessed a terrible temper. It cost me greatly. I offended friends and family. In almost every instance when I lost my temper, it was because I was humiliated or embarrassed, and I reacted wrongly. A temper is not something anyone should be proud of!
From the seed of anger, a root begins to form. If not stopped, it will produce a fruit that is poisonous. It can cause people to avoid individuals who are bitter. If he or she is a believer, such bitterness can hinder the personal testimony, and that is certainly a defilement that no Christian should want in life.
Facing the Problem
How does a believer quell the bitterness that has taken root in his life? It is by diligence. Hebrews 12:14 says we should “Make every effort to live in peace with all men.” Walking away from an argument or disagreement in a huff is making little effort to do what that Scripture admonishes. Two of the most difficult phrases for some people to say are “I was wrong” and “I am sorry.”
When a child grows up having seen the root of bitterness in his father, he develops a need to make a choice: either to be like his earthly father or like his heavenly Father. When families are affected by the root of bitterness, prayer is of tremendous essence. Wives need to pray for their husbands, and if the situation is one involving the wife, the husband must pray for his wife. I assure you that when children realize what is happening with their parent or parents, they will certainly be praying for God’s help.
Practice Cultivating a Healthy Root for Emotions
How do we cultivate healthy roots? We follow biblical instructions. Paul urged the Ephesian church members, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32). There it is in black and white. Here’s a truth: when we know the right thing to do and we don’t do it, we sin.
Earlier in that passage, we read, “In your anger do not sin; Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:26-27). Satan’s foothold will become a root of bitterness.
