Five years ago, we had a major tragedy in our church. One of our deacons had an accident on his mountain bike and was killed instantly. Our church felt the sting of his absence. He was a faithful servant in our church and played guitar in our worship services. What made it worse was that he was 49, married and had three children. We all still miss Glen very much.
The three children were youth group age at that point. I wish I could say, “Check out how I loved on these kids and just follow my example,” but I can’t. There are things I wish I had done better, and things we can all aim for as we seek to love on students who are navigating the loss of a parent. Here are some things to start with:
• Be present. I have mentioned this before, but simply being present is one of the most powerful ministries you can have — go to their ballgames, attend graduations and, in the case of loss, just sit with them. You don’t have to have all the answers. Your students simply know that you aren’t going anywhere and that you are available when they are ready to talk.
• Be truthful. Don’t try to sugar-coat their pain or feelings of loss. When someone we know dies, it is always difficult, but when it is your parent, it can almost be unbearable. One of a student’s emotional anchors is no longer there. And they won’t be there for things like graduations, weddings and even future children. However, you can point them to the truth of Scripture. God can provide the comfort that they are searching for.
• Be helpful. The remaining parent may need help navigating matters of logistics. The church can be invaluable in these areas. They may need a driver or other roles that only an adult can fill. Look for the gaps and enlist others to help.
• Be mindful. Our students’ pain will not simply disappear. It may fade, but it will always be there to a degree. Remember that as you interact with your student. If a holiday is coming up, think of ways you can help them navigate the emptiness they might feel. It might be that you need to send a text during the holidays. Perhaps you could put the significant dates of the first year on your calendar so you can reach out on days like Father’s or Mother’s Day, the missing parent’s birthday, your student’s birthday and events you know the parent would have been at.
If you serve in student ministry, you will eventually face something like this. It is important to think about it beforehand so you have an idea of how you might handle it in the moment. How do you navigate death in your youth ministry? What tips do you have for your fellow student ministry workers? Join the conversation at Facebook.com/groups/StudentMinistryMattersCommunity.
