Who do you turn to when the road gets tough in ministry? Regardless of the position you serve in, we all need someone to walk alongside us on our Christian pilgrimage. For those of us in ministry, finding a true companion, mentor, or encourager can make all the difference in our longevity and faithfulness. Michael Goodwin wrote that pastoral friendship “is one of God’s means of sustaining his servants” in “No Man is an Island: The Necessity of Pastoral Friendship,” published on The Preaching Lab’s Substack page.
God designed every person to need relationships. What do we look for in those special relationships where we’re seeking accountability, encouragement, and even guidance? Most people look for the person who seems to have it all together. We want the person with the polished responses and composure to lead us. Devastatingly, this can do us more harm than good.
The Misconception of “Having it All Together”
While there’s plenty to respect in those who project stability, we must remember that appearances don’t always tell the whole story. Sometimes, the people who seem most put together are simply further along in their spiritual journey. But just because someone is further along doesn’t mean they’ll make a good companion, helper, or friend.
Afterall, spiritual strength isn’t about looking strong; it’s about growing stronger.
It’s easy to get things backwards. We chase after the image of having it all together, hoping that we’ll become the kind of people God can use. Real growth starts with time spent with God, though. We can actually get in the way of His work, shaping our lives, if we focus on trying to look the part.
More often than I care to admit, my relationships with the people who have it all together have left me feeling more alone, more inadequate, and more discouraged. The right attribute to aspire towards is active growth. We need friends to protect us from stalling out.
The Bible gives us countless glimpses into the lives of men and women whom God used. They aren’t perfect people. They’re people who were willing to keep growing.
Friends Who Grow and How to Find Them
Regardless of the degree of spiritual maturity, my friends who are growing in their walk with God continue to be the most important part of my life. People who live with the anticipation of Heaven and the resolve to draw nearer to our Savior as they wait for that day pick me up when I fall. They’re the kinds of friends who share their own struggles and keep my eyes pointed toward Jesus.
I’m thankful for the mentors in my life. I wouldn’t be where I’m at without the men who once let me walk alongside them. I don’t know that I’d have the faith that I have without the openness of others that shaped me more than any sermon ever could.
Time and experience have helped me to find the people who are really growing. My prayer is that I could help you find them in your life, too. Look for the people who are humble and willing to learn. The people who have it figured out hardly ever know half as much as they think they do. Look for the people who can talk honestly about their failures and their wins. The people who can’t admit their failures normally want to play pretend. The people who downplay reasons for celebrating are play-actors aiming for humility. Look for the people who take criticism well. Those are the people whose identity is in Christ rather than public opinion.
Instead of chasing after people who look like a finished product, look for fellow travelers who are still learning.
Being a Friend
When I walk with others who are committed to growing, I find encouragement, accountability, and the blessing of praying together. These friendships help me keep going. We don’t need perfect people when we have a perfect Savior. As we think about the kind of friendships we need, let us also think about how we can be that friend to someone else.
This week, you can reach out to someone who’s pressing on in faith. Set aside some time to care for the people around you.
