He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” (Prov. 17:9 NIV1984).
An offense is anything said or done that irritates, angers, or causes hurt feelings. It is human nature to create discord among people we know or even people we do not know. It may be intentional or unintentional, but it can still have the same effect.
To “cover over an offense” is to be able to overlook, forgive, and forget what someone has said. That is not always easy to do, but it is the right Christian response — one which promotes Christ-like love. This does not mean one should overlook sin to win or keep friends. Sins against God are overseen differently. This refers to personal offenses.
In our society, it doesn’t take much to offend some people. Anything that contradicts their opinion gives reason to protest by yelling, screaming, cursing, and even threatening bodily harm. As Christians, we do not belong to that group.
Conflicts are unavoidable in marriages, among family members, friendships, and the outside world. In churches, we see people leave over hurt feelings or disagreements. Others just stop giving, teaching, or fulfilling other positions. Some remarks are purposely made; others are not. Regardless, it is important to learn how to deal with them. “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (Prov. 19:11).
The Bible says that when we love like Christ, we will be able to forgive and forget personal wrongs. It is important not to retaliate with sarcasm or anger. “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out” (Prov. 17:14). It is important to pray about the matter and allow God to influence one’s actions.
We cannot escape being offended at one time or another. A person may say, “I was only joking; no offense intended.” A first reaction might be to “put her in her place.” Then there is the temptation to repeat the transgression to others, not only looking for sympathy but also making the offender look bad. Wisdom allows us to stay calm and stay true to our Christian testimony.
Only God’s grace can enable us to love and forgive others as He loves and forgives us. The Bible provides several directives for responding to hurtful remarks. The second half of our text says: “whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” As you try to overlook an offense, do not continually harp on it to other people. Though justified as truth, it is still gossip and is designed to make the offender look bad. It also damages your Christian testimony. “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (Prov. 11:13).
If the comments are more than just slight, unnecessary remarks, retaliation is still not the answer. “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise” (Prov. 10:19). Be kind, forgive, and forget. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1). A right response can stop a person from continuing with unkind or unnecessary words. While it can be difficult to overlook an offense, the more you practice, the more God’s grace and love will be exhibited through you.
If the offense is such that it seems impossible to forgive and forget, prayerfully go to that person to make amends, even asking someone to go with you, if necessary. Do not allow it to sit and fester, or it will take away your joy and happiness in the Lord. We must learn to overlook offences made against us.
